


When the Time is Right

by anastiel



Series: Supernatural Codas [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: 10x03 coda, Coda, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Love Confessions, M/M, Season/Series 10
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-23
Updated: 2014-10-23
Packaged: 2018-02-22 06:25:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,625
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2497856
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anastiel/pseuds/anastiel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Post 10x03 coda in which Castiel returns to the bunker to comfort Dean.</p>
            </blockquote>





	When the Time is Right

Cas and Hannah are five miles away from the bunker when Cas’s phone rings, startling him out of his thoughts and the endless road in front of him. He digs around in his pocket with his free hand until he finds it. He fishes it out of his pocket just as the screen lights up and Dean’s number flashes across it. Cas answers immediately, holding the phone between his cheek and shoulder.

“Dean?”

“Hey Cas,” Dean says softly, relieved.

“Are you alright?” Cas asks, worry prevalent in his tone as he pulls the car off the highway and onto the gravel shoulder.

“No... I mean, yeah... I just...I...” Dean stutters out, sighing heavily into the phone.

He sounds so down-trodden, the weight of the world on his shoulders. With everything that’s happened in the past few hours he can only imagine the tornado of thoughts rushing around in Dean’s head.

“Talk to me, what’s wrong?” Cas says, gently. Such a simple sentence but those five words open the floodgates.

“Sam’s back now, which is fine, it’s great. I’m surprised he’s even here at all considering what I almost did to him. Hell, he even brought me food, burgers and pie, Cas. I don’t fucking deserve that. And I wanna talk to him, to apologize and try to make things right again but he needs his space, which I get, but I... I don’t wanna be alone. I can’t be alone right now, I might do something stupid. There’s so much going on in my head, it’s so dark and I fucked up, I fucked up so bad so I just... I just...” Dean lets out a shaky breath, “I.. I need you here, please.”

“I’ll be there as soon as possible, “ Cas answers automatically.

It isn’t even a question of whether to go or not, Dean needs him so of course, he must go. Dean is in so much pain right now, Cas can hear the depths of it in every word that leaves Dean’s mouth, in every self-loathing statement. It reverberates through his chest and stabs his soul, making him feel too much. He can feel Dean’s pain as if were his own.

“Okay,” Dean replies calmly, though Cas can tell he’s on the verge of losing it.

“You’re going to be okay,” Cas states, not sure if he is reassuring himself or Dean.

“Yeah, sure. See you soon,” Dean replies and the call ends with a click.

Cas tosses his phone into his pocket and turns the car around, doing a swerved u-turn on the empty stretch of highway. He slams his foot on the gas and speeds off towards the bunker.

“We are going back?” Hannah asks, quietly.

“He needs me,” Cas answers.

“I do not understand you.”

Cas turns to her, confused, “What do you mean?”

Hannah frowns, “You told me that emotion and feelings, they are dangerous temptations, yet you... your priorities revolve wholly around emotion,” She pauses, realization dawning on her, “You love him, don’t you?”

Cas darts his eyes away from her and back to the road, swallowing thickly. “I do.”

Hannah’s face softens and she places a comforting hand on his shoulder, “Does he know?”

Cas shakes his head, “I don’t think so.”

A small smile flits on Hannah’s face, Cas can see it out of the corner of his eye. “Perhaps you should tell him.”

Cas sighs heavily, tightening his grip on the steering wheel, “I do not believe that would be wise.”

They pull up to the front of the bunker and Cas slows to a stop, putting the car into park. “Surely he must love you as well! The angels, all of us, we heard about you two, how your bond is something special, something none of us have seen before.”

“It doesn’t matter. Even if he does, now is not the time.”

He pushes open the door and rises to his feet, pausing before shutting the door, leaning back in. “I don’t know how long I’ll be, if you wish, you can leave I will understand.”

Hannah shakes her head, “No, I will not leave you. I will drive into town for the evening and check how things are with you in the morning.”

Cas smiles gratefully, “Thank you.”

“Godspeed,” Hannah says with a small smile and Castiel is thankful that though most angels want to kill them, he does have one friend amongst them.

That in and of itself is a blessing.

~~~

Cas passes Sam on his way up to Dean’s room. He’s already partly buzzed, his speech starting to slur when he says hello, but at least he’s smiling. Cas understands why Dean and Sam can’t be around each other right now, there’s too much pain between them, too much to deal with today. Right now, this is their time of peace before the storm, a peace they both desperately need. He pauses when he gets to Dean’s door, building a brick wall around his heart so no unnecessary or distracting emotions can come out. This isn’t about him, this is about Dean.

When he’s ready, Cas knocks twice, two quick knocks and the door is opened before his hand falls back to his side. Dean stands in front of him, staring at him with the wide scared eyes like a child. He looks so vulnerable and so broken that Cas’s heart aches for him, despite the brick wall encasing it.

“Cas,” Dean chokes out. Cas takes a step towards him and then Dean’s arms wrap around him. Dean buries his face in the space between Cas’s shoulder and neck and just sobs.

Cas bites back the tears that rush to his eyes and slides his arms around Dean’s waist, pulling him against his chest.

“It’s okay, you’re okay, Dean. It’s over, I’m here,” Cas soothes, running his hand up and down Dean’s back comfortingly.

“I fucked up, I fucked up,” Dean mumbles against Cas’s skin, his breath is hot and his fingers clench at the fabric of Cas’s coat like he’s worried Cas will disappear at any second.

“You did what you thought was right,” Cas replies.

Dean pulls away from Cas, fingers still holding onto him. He’s staring at him in horror, how could Cas excuse any of this?

“I was a demon and I did some nasty shit! Hell, I almost killed Sam, if you hadn’t stopped me I-“ “But you didn’t. It’s over, Dean.” Dean drops his hands from Cas’s body and hangs his head, staring down at the floor.

Cas reaches out and twines his fingers around Dean’s wrist, “Let’s sit down and talk about this.”

Dean nods numbly, letting Cas lead him to the edge of the bed where he sits down with a sigh. His fingers flutter nervously against his thigh and he’s still focusing on the floor, too ashamed to even look Cas in the eye.

“I’m sure Sam probably hates me, I’m sure you probably hate me too,” Dean says, then with a cold laugh he continues, “I guess that’s how it should be though, demons aren’t supposed to have love, we don’t deserve it.”

“Dean,” Cas starts. Dean shakes his head, “Let me finish. I don’t expect you or Sam to forgive me. I don’t expect you to stick around, though it’d be really nice if you did. I don’t deserve to even be around you, not after what I did, who I was. I’ll understand if after all this is done you want to go back to heaven and never see me again.”

Once he’s finished, Dean finally raises his eyes to Cas’s. The sadness and shame trapped within them breaks down every brick Cas so tirelessly put up to protect himself. Cas jaw tightens, his brow furrowing in a mix of frustration and anger. He will never understand how Dean can think so little of himself when to Cas, Dean is everything.

“Do you really believe that I think so little of you?” Cas says slowly, voice tense.

“Why would you think anything else?” Dean replies with a half-hearted shrug.

“Dean Winchester.”

“What?”

Cas squints at him, “I died for you.”

“Yeah, but-“ Dean starts to interrupt, but Cas stops him.

“I’m not done yet. I’ve died for you multiple times and I rebelled against heaven for you. I helped saved the world for you and I gave up an army for you, do you really believe that I would choose to go back to heaven over staying with you?”

Dean gapes at him, blinking, “Uh, yeah? I was a fucking demon, Cas. I tortured people.”

“I don’t care.”

Dean narrows his eyes, “So you’re saying when all this shit is done you just wanna live with me for the rest of your life? You don’t wanna like get married or something?”

Cas rolls his eyes and kisses him then, because that’s the only way Dean will ever get it through his thick skull. It’s a gentle kiss, just a soft press of his lips against Dean’s but it’s nice, really nice and Cas wouldn’t mind doing this every day for the rest of his life.

When he pulls away Dean is staring at him in a daze, blinking slowly.

“I love you, you idiot,” Cas states with a huff and a slight smile.

“Oh,” Dean states, then after Cas’s words sink in he grins a dopey little grin that lights up his face, “I love you too, you know.”

Cas chuckles, “I know.”

Dean blushes slightly and Cas has to stop himself from pushing Dean down onto the bed and kissing him senseless.

“Stay with me?” Dean asks, hopefully, reaching out with a brave hand and twining his fingers with Cas on top of the comforter.

“Always.”


End file.
